On a recent episode of Binge Mode, The Ringer’s wildly popular Harry Potter podcast, hosts Mallory Rubin and Jason Concepcion talked through their picks for a five-person rescue mission team, assembled solely from members of both iterations of the Order of the Phoenix. So, that got me thinking – nevermind a rescue mission, picking from the entirety of our known wizarding world, who is on my fab five fighting squad?

Conditions:

  • No Dumbledore, Voldemort, or Grindelwald. I mean, come on. That would be like playing ‘rock paper scissor shoot!’ and always having that one friend who would use ‘atomic bomb! Nothing beats atomic bomb!’ … don’t be like that friend.
  • A good point raised by Mal and Jason: you can specify eras for characters. For instance, Lupin in the 1st Order vs. Lupin in the 2nd Order.

OKAY, here’s what I’ve got!

Alastor Mad-Eye Moody (2nd Order)

I mean sure, he’s a bit crazy toward the end, and he allowed himself to get trapped in his own trunk for almost an entire year, but one of his eyeballs is a legit 360 degree security camera – that’s invaluable in a fight! Also, did you see in the Department of Mysteries battle when he hit his walking stick against the ground and that Death Eater went flying? As Ron would say, “wicked!”. In all (relative) seriousness, Moody is a legendary Auror who has seen and done it all, and the only way he dies is if you stick him on a broomstick with a cowardly thief, so, I’ll take my chances…

Sirius Black (1st Order)

We know Sirius as a Kreacher hating, crushed velvet jacket wearing, Gryffindor common room floo powdering godfather, and while he’s still a badass then, imagine what he must have been like during the 1st Wizarding War. Before Azkaban drained his youth away, he was a swaggering, prodigiously skilled wizard. I mean think about it, he helped create the Marauder’s Map, and successfully became an Animagus! How many other people in the world can say they’ve done that?! Well . . . two I guess . . . James and Peter … ANYWHO – he comes from a powerful wizarding family, his skill is amazingly underrated, his usefulness as a dog could always prove valuable, he seems like the type of guy who is a lazy player in practice but always shows up on game day, and as we see in the Ministry battle, he’s not afraid to resort to Muggle tactics (cc: Lucius Malfoy’s face)

Minerva McGonagall

If I can’t have Dumbledore, McGonagall might be the next best thing. Dumbledore might be the omniscient headmaster of Hogwarts, but McGonagall is the one really running things and keeping everyone in line at that school. She’s been around to see every possible scenario, plus she is an encyclopedia of spell knowledge (she’s always wanted to use that spell!). Her loyalty to Harry, Dumbledore, and Hogwarts as a whole is unrivaled – she’s unafraid to go toe to toe with Dolores Umbridge and the Ministry at large in Order, both verbally and physically, standing up for Harry and his desire to become an Auror, and later taking four stunning spells to the chest in her efforts to protect Hagrid. And who can forget how she steps up to the plate against Snape in Hallows, causing him to “do a bunk”! And on a personal note, I would love her dry wit and sharp one liners during the heat of a fierce battle.

Harry James Potter

Dude just wins. Granted, a lot of his wins were racked up on the technicality that Voldemort couldn’t actually kill him, but a win is a win. He’s daring, trusts his instincts to the point of dangerous impulsivity, and would do anything within his capabilities to save those around him, even if it meant sacrificing his own life. His wizarding skills are pretty dang impressive in their own regard (no thanks to Lockhart’s dueling lessons) and his flying talent and associated hand eye coordination and athleticism are valuable skills to have. And oh yeah, HE’S GOT ONE OF THE DEATHLY HALLOWS. He can be invisible whenever he wants! Feels like that might come in handy in a fight.

Newt Scamander

. . .  but only if he brings his briefcase with him.

Honorable mentions:

Severus Snape – dude is one of the most skilled wizards we encounter, but he’d never be able to get along with Sirius and/or Harry. One rotten egg can ruin an entire carton, and I’m rolling with Sirius and Harry here. Sorry, Snivellus.

Hermione Granger – she’s incredibly brilliant and can think her way through anything. Plus, she (almost) always knows how to get to the calm, rational part of Harry’s mind. That’s crucial. Harry trusts her, and a superstar always needs a supporting cast they can trust. That all said, Newt’s briefcase of magical creatures gave him the edge in my mind, so no Hermy-own-ninny in this fab five.

Well, that’s who I’m sending into battle! Who makes your fab five? Leave a comment below, or email us at simplypotterblog@gmail.com with your squad! We’ll highlight some of the responses in future posts!

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